There are many topics I wish women were able to be more open about, but this one is one I am currently in personally. Motherhood. Yes Nancy from down the street appears to have all her poop in a fairly organized group, and Sally’s social media accounts leave you with more questions than anything – like how does she have the time or energy to do all that … does she sleep … wait I have to be able to do all that too? Wait. What? I don’t drink coffee… is the answer coffee!? Please don’t let it be coffee…

Obviously no one posts pictures of themselves crying their eyes out in the closet hoping to not wake up the baby… feeling so guilty for any negative or non perfect mom thought, on social media… mainly due to guilt and thinking no one else feels what they feel. But let me tell you. From having my meltdowns in my closet… bawling my eyes out and feeling like the worst mom/person ever…. I am an oversharer in most life topics… so I tend to call whatever mom friend I know who can relate to that moment and lose my mind to them on the phone. And guess what I learnt. I realized (every single time) that I was not alone in one of my feelings or thoughts and that everyone too has felt the same…

Why? Why are we not being more honest about the struggles? The exhaustion, the feeling like you’ve lost who you are at times. I was Jodi before who had so many diverse layers and now I am mom, wife and sometimes okay friend. Do you know that I avoid mom groups because I can hardly see the mom friends I currently have regularly… why would I want to add more people to that list? Not a selling feature – hi I’m Jodi and wont have time to be the friend I’m sure you’re looking for… who wants that? And the post partum depression that legit can come and go as it pleases. Your hormones are all over the grid for so long and you at times feel like you’re going crazy… but nope no one really dives deep into that. Hell your hair even falls out at alarming rates – you’re just too tired to care thankfully. What about being terrified and lost in the beginning… no one told me about feeding schedules and nap schedules and how effing hard breastfeeding would be. Breastfeeding is and always will be the hardest thing I’ve done hands down. No one truly explained that due to being so exhausted during labor and delivery (and not sleeping for the entire pregnancy) that I wouldn’t have that “love at first sight moment”. No one told me when the nurses ask you about post partum depression that you may lie because you don’t feel right in being honest. What about not healing properly after delivery and your lady bits being angry for longer than the doctor told you, or trying to fall in love with your new post partum body. Or…Thinking your husband is wondering why you can’t just do it all when other wives are doing it – when in fact it’s the farthest thing on his mind and he is so proud of you. Or how about solo parenting and how emotionally, mentally and physically hard that can be. And that breaks are needed because being a parent is the hardest job you will ever have… AND… Even if people tell you before hand it definitely doesn’t prepare you for when it actually happens in real time.

Yet I pretended like I was fine and I pretended like I knew what was going on and had a handle on it all…because I thought I was the only mom out there who didn’t… but it turns out so many women felt the same if not more… but never said anything about it and struggled internally.

My advise to new moms now is… whatever you’re feeling at any point, your feelings are justified and you aren’t alone with them. Do not feel like you cant talk to someone about any of it because I promise you whoever you talk to… will understand. Your mom, aunt, neighbor, best friend maybe even a stranger on a bus. Don’t hold it in. And I actually tell women that. Maybe hoping when they are struggling they will do as I said and reach out. Because the moment you reach out and realize whatever you’re feeling is okay and shared… you feel soooooooo much better!

Dont get me wrong… Being a mother is so amazing and so wonderful. There are moments I am still in awe and amazed that we made this tiny human and holy shit do I love the hell out of her. Like its makes my heart ache thinking about it… but not enough talk is being done about the not so sunny sides of motherhood and we need to start being more open about it. Its okay to not be okay all the time… we as women have ridiculously high standards set and who ever set them could seriously use a good throat punch. Must be a great wife, career boss lady, mom, Suzy homemaker, daughter, friend… ugh the list goes on and on.

We are but one person. One sole person who holds up so many titles and names. I even questioned posting this about a million times. What if someone is judging me, what if I am wrong in all this and no one but my messed up circle of friends feel this way… but then I thought… WHAT IF someone else is struggling and needs someone to help them and this is helpful to even just one mom. So here it is, judge away or not. This is for anyone who needs a hug or a friend. To all the hard ass moms I know… just be honest and open. I want my daughter growing up in a world where her feelings are never doubted or questioned. They are her own feelings to have and everyone else shouldn’t feel shamed for having their feelings too. Be vocal about struggles. It’s not always rainbows and butterflies and its okay. Yes the good times do make up for the bad times… but the bad times don’t need to be harder than they already are.

Hashtag Nancy probably drinks too much and is full of shit.